When the “Right” Choice Isn’t Right
“Krishna, it’s time to eat!” Krishna’s little head popped up from the sofa. He eyed the dish in my hand suspiciously. Pulled it towards him. Inhaled, gently. Considered. Then a thin hand shot out and grabbed a mouthful. He chewed thoughtfully. I suppose the dish passed inspection. He finished most of it and dove back […]
What About School?
“Krishna goes to therapy? What about school?” someone asked me. “He can’t handle school as of now,” I replied. “Oh, how sad. You must try, you know. Don’t say he can’t handle it. Put him back in school and see. He’s missing so much!” “Thank you,” I smiled. The someone meant well—convinced that I was […]
Why Me!
“But why me???” I too cried this question out to the universe when Krishna was diagnosed as autistic. And many times after that, whenever it all became just too much to handle. I could answer myself in two ways: Why not me? And— Did I ask “why me” when people were praising baby Krishna for […]
Is Any Effort Wasted?
“How do I handle disappointment when my child forgets a skill he knew?” a parent asked me. We were talking about the immense effort we put in to help our children learn something. They seem to have mastered it—and then, sometimes, they forget the skill or lose it altogether. Krishna has lost large chunks of […]
They Hear You
Let me tell you a story about a common misconception: when someone doesn’t respond, they haven’t heard you. Especially when that someone is autistic. “Krishna, blue coloured ball!” CLAP! The ball was bright, shiny blue. It bounced and rolled in front of Krishna, but he resolutely ignored it. Krishna was about four. It was his […]
Acceptance Just Is
When Krishna was first diagnosed as autistic, I thought I had accepted it—after I got over the disbelief and grief. Yet, when someone spoke to him and he didn’t answer, or said a few words that seemed to have no connection, I would rush in to fill the gaps. To ask leading questions—and then answer […]
Financial Planning
“When do you start financial planning for your autistic child?” Yesterday. Because it is never too early to start. The earlier you begin, the more time you give yourself to create wealth, invest wisely, and plan not just for your child, but also for yourself. We began this process for Krishna a couple of years […]
What Does Inclusion Really Mean?
I was scared. “Ma’am, I don’t want to…” “Gayatri, why don’t you try? Just once?” I wanted to. Very much. But something held me back, something I did not have the words for at that age—the strange, tight knot of fear that sat in my chest even as my eyes followed the other children climbing, […]
What Stigma? And Why?
“My son has stopped responding to his name. He has stopped looking me in the eye. I think he’s autistic. But I’m afraid to take him for a diagnosis.” “But why? A diagnosis may clear things up, no? You’ll know what steps to take next.” “But suppose they say he is autistic… then what will […]
When Words Fade, Communication Must Not
“Krishna, what do birds eat?” “Pija!” replied 2-year-old Krishna, who was eating pizza at the time. “You’re eating pizza, baby, and you’re not a bird. What’s your name?” “Santalagopalakisha!” he promptly giggled. (Krishna’s “traditional” name is Santanagopalakrishnan. Yes, a huge name for a tiny boy!) Till he was 3.5, Krishna was very verbal and communicating […]
What After Us?
“”After us, then what?” This question popped up in my mind for the nth time yesterday morning, just about this time. I was frantically cleaning the sofa while Krishna’s father struggled to hold a cross, protesting Krishna. “Wait, Krishna! Let Amma finish cleaning the sofa. Then you can lie down. Next time, use the loo; […]
Courage
“Let me tell you a story of courage. A story of love.” Yesterday, I was waiting for Krishna to finish his therapy. A blue electric auto purred to a stop next to me, and another mother stepped out. “Hey, Neelima! How are you doing? How’s Arav?” (Names changed.) She smiled at me. “Both good, Gayatri!” […]