A Day in My Life
“So, what’s for breakfast?” For me, this is the scariest question possible on a Monday morning. Especially when my delightful maid decides to take off for a few days without letting me know. Krishna is an extremely picky eater, my parents need very soft and bland food, and my husband and I need something to […]
You Are Not Alone in This
Autism parenting seems a lonely journey. Autism seems a lonely journey. It needn’t be. Krishna’s first regression happened when he was about 4. “That’s not typical,” the doctors told me. “Are you sure you noticed nothing earlier? Very sure?” The diagnosis of autism was intimidating enough. And then to be told that even within this […]
When a Child Cannot Speak, We Must
Children are society’s most vulnerable. And autistic children? Even more than “most.” A few nights ago, a friend shared a video. A horrible incident. In it, a so-called special educator thrashes a 10-year-old autistic boy in a school. I am not sharing the video here. Not because it should be hidden. But because I found […]
The Taste of Hope
“Krishna, big, black eye!” And Krishna burst into peals of laughter. My cheek was against his and I peered into his eye. His comically huge, shiny, black side eye. My eye must have looked even more hilarious, and he laughed loud and long. For the first time in 6 long months of silent withdrawal, suffering, […]
Trust Your Gut (About Your Child)
“I’ve seen many autistic children, but none like Krishna! Please admit him for 2 weeks in a psychiatric hospital.” When Krishna’s neurologist said this, she saw him at the peak of his pain. He was thrashing in my arms, spitting, crying, and desperately trying to break free to hurt himself. “But Doctor, this is his […]
The Language of Love
Does love need a spoken language? The gaze holding yours with such power that your soul is laid bare… The scent of that little head, sweet despite hair tangled with food, mud, and other strange objects whose history you can’t begin to guess… The thin hand that grips your wrist ferociously, nails digging in hard […]
The Weight of Guilt
Let me tell you a story about parenting guilt. “Krishna, say bye to me. I’m going to the hospital. I’ll be back by evening.” Krishna was hiding under his comforter. He twitched a little foot, acknowledging me, and I fled before he changed his mind. Yesterday, I went to the hospital to finish various admission […]
Grace
“Little one, won’t you smile for me?” Her eyes twinkled, and her smile held more warmth than the summer night outside. Her hands held Krishna’s firmly, but gently. Krishna stopped struggling to escape from my arms. He looked into her kind eyes, astonished. It was night. Krishna and I waited in the hospital room as […]
When Helplessness Peaks
Watching your child hurt themself takes your feeling of helplessness as a parent to a different level. Krishna had a horrible weekend, and so did his parents. He was in some pain that he couldn’t express. How did he react? By hurting himself. His head, his hands, his feet. His doctors prescribed tests. They prescribed […]
Autism Awareness: A Mother’s Perspective – XII
Part 12: The Future I began this series in response to my son Krishna’s frustrating hospital experience. I am surely not the only autism parent to have gone through something similar, and so I wanted to spread awareness. Autism parents also carry the enormous responsibility of preparing for their child’s future care. Dear autism parent, […]
Autism Awareness: A Mother’s Perspective – XI
Part 11: False Cures, Real Vulnerability “Can’t we do SOMETHING, Doctor?” Trying to find an answer to that question, after Krishna was diagnosed as autistic, we went for a second opinion. The doctor was extremely thorough. She showed us how to maintain a sleep diary, an activity diary, and a behaviour diary for about three […]
Autism Awareness: A Mother’s Perspective – X
Part 10: The Gut, The Brain, and Everything In Between “It is not autism, it is gut-ism,” my mother said when Krishna was six. At the time, she and I knew nothing about the gut-brain axis. And she was so right. A major number of the issues autistic children face are closely linked to the […]